My initial reaction to "What's his name" wanting a divorce was to fight for my marriage. However. as I watched him get deeper and deeper into a "virtual" life I realized that there was nothing there worth fighting for so, I made a vow to focus on the kids. Also, an interesting piece of all of this is that even though "What's his name" wanted the divorce, he never filed. I waited a month. Then two. Finally, I wanted him out. I knew I couldn't get on with my new life without something solid in place.
I found a wonderful lawyer. She was able to be very objective. She encouraged me to keep the kids' happiness a priority. She taught me that a 1,500 401k was not worth fighting for. She taught me that the arguments we were having were un-winnable for either of us and above all she got the job done.
I remember the night he got served with divorce papers. I was there because he would not move out of the house. I thought that it was so strange that he was angry. he yelled and of course told his "girlfriend" all about it. Finally I just said "At least you could say thank you. After all this is what you wanted".
Here is one of my all time favorite arguments about the terms of the divorce:
"What's his name": "Well, how come you get the house?"
Me: "Because the kids are living here and I will not move them"
"What's his name": "Well, ok but how come you get the car?"
Me: "Oh "What's his name" because you don't have a valid driver's license"
"What's his name": "I'm gonna get one soon"
Me: "Ok, can you make the car payment?"
"What's his name" "No"
Me: "Ok, so, what are we arguing about?"
Then there was the time he said I wasn't a good wife because I didn't teach him how to balance a checkbook. Umm, we met when he was 26....I guess I didn't know it was necessary.
And on and on.
What happened next?
How do you date when you are in the middle of a divorce and your soon-to-be ex "What's his name" will not leave.
That's tomorrow folks. Stay tuned.