I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Case in point, my youngest daughter. It began after my divorce was final. "What's his name" was living with his brother and would visit the kids on the weekends. I have never wanted to keep my kids from having a relationship with their Dad. In order to do this, I have had to be somewhat giving. Even recently, since he hasn't had a car, I would bring them over on the weekends so they would have their time with him. Sometimes that would also mean that on the occasional Saturday or Sunday I would pick G2 up and bring her to basketball games or G1 and G3 to various other activities. I believe that I don't have a right to stand in the way of them loving their Dad.
Anyway, in the beginning I would let him stay at the house for his visits. Since I was seeing (insert name here) it actually worked out really well. I got some time off, which was really helpful. The beginning of dating (insert name here) was really great. He was independent, capable and very caring. Of course though, I didn't really trust me or others and this led to doubting anything could last and I was not about to get dumped again.
To be honest, I was not really in a place to have a stable love relationship and I got in too deep way to fast. The second I got insecure and since "What's his name" was there, I turned to him. I also do not lie so I had to tell (insert name here). "What's his name" and I wanted to give our marriage another try and (insert name here) was very supportive. He said that the kids deserved to have both parents if that was at all possible.
It didn't take very long though to see that it really wasn't going to work. I didn't trust "What's his name" and his "sweet" gestures were really nothing but painful. Here is an example: One week I asked him if he had his portion of the daycare money (not a small amount as there were two kids we were paying for). He didn't and couldn't give me a reason until I pushed really hard. He told me that he had gotten me a Christmas present - A tennis bracelet. I told him I didn't play tennis. I felt really trapped because it was a very kind gesture but if I was going to have to pay the daycare it really wasn't a gift at all. I realized I needed to either be on my own or with someone who was realistic. Once I made the decision that I couldn't rebuild this marriage there was a great deal of relief. I told "What's his name" and he was very angry. I remember thinking it was pretty amazing how he made the same arguments I did when he first told me he wanted to leave.
After all was said and done and we both knew he needed to go, I found out I was pregnant. Honestly, I was terrified. I wasn't staying in the marriage and I had no idea how I was going to care for not two but three children! The amazing thing is, G3 was the one that completed our family circle. The gals and I started working as a team. We each were MVPs in our own way and I finally felt somewhat complete.
What does any of this have to do with anything????