Thursday, November 12, 2009

I have lots and lots of feelings going on so, I need to rant

Dear "What's his name",

I am really struggling with our living arrangement. First, after all this time being divorced, I still feel obligated to take care of you. Second, you really don't seem to think it's anything that deserves any special respect.

Our youngest daughter heard you tell your friend that you had a headache from "gaming" too much. You told me it was your sinuses. I don't think that you are even untruthful to be mean or thoughtless but it is. It shows us all that you either believe what you say or you think we are naive.

Also, for the (I don't know how many) time, you shorted your weekly payment to the family without forewarning. I have told you that I just need to know things like that as soon as you know. Now, I am going to have to scrape by on barely anything until I get paid. I could have planned for it but you told me the day after it took place. It is not a casual thing. There are things the kids need that I cannot provide due to this.

When G3 broke her glasses, you were sleeping on the couch. She feels very alone when you are there and I am not. I wish you understood what an opportunity this could be for the two of you. The older two had lived with you before, she has not. It could be a time for you two to bond. It doesn't seem to be working out like that at all.

I realize you don't love me. I also realize that you don't know how to love yourself. With the kids though, there is very little to it. Just be there. Open your eyes to what they go through, what they see. I guarantee you will gain much more than you give.

I have said this before: get a PLAN. I don't care if you work full-time (although that would be ideal). If you were to go back to school, take a training program, anything to show that you want things to get better I would be behind it 100%. I know it's not easy as I have been there myself when the kids were little. Where you are right now is the best time / place to think about self improvement. It would help everyone more than you could ever imagine.

I also believe that you have depression. I think that is what is behind the gaming / computer obsession. I am not an expert, just someone who has gone through it her whole life. Things don't have to be sad, low, down, tiring. It can get better. I want you to feel better and the kids and I cannot help until you want to feel better. It's a whole lot of work but it's worth it.

Your children love you, no matter what. Isn't that enough?
And for the rest who are reading this, sorry it's not as fun as I usually try to be but, here is a really cool website for the Mom's out there:

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