Monday, March 15, 2010

I'm Baaaaaack!

Ok, once again it's been awhile. Quite honestly I have been curled up in an emotional ball feeling sorry for myself.     Sorry (ha ha).

A lot of new things have been happening. "What's his name" had gotten a temporary job for a while. He had a good amount of success with it and I think that has really helped. It ended on Friday but now it seems he is more determined to get out there and work. I am really grateful for that change. I really did believe that tasting a bit of success would be very helpful. We shall see what happens now that he is back at home again.

My baby (G3) has been struggling a bit in school. She really doesn't seem to be trying all that much. She is in the gifted and talented program but has not "living up to the standard". I have had to push a little harder than I am accustomed to. I know that in the long run it will do her a lot of good. I just wonder if it's worth it to push her toward such high goals. I don't know what's best. I don't want to push her to the point of giving up but I don't want her to sell herself short either.

G2 is busy as ever. She has now joined track. I couldn't believe how much I had to spend on shoes! I am very proud of all of her efforts. Basketball, marching band, now track. She really is motivated. She is still plagued by migraines though and we haven't found a truly effective solution. She has a medicine handy in case she feels one coming on so that will reduce the time she spends having pain certainly does not get rid of them.

I went to a seminar about special needs kids and their transition into college. During this class I ran into myriad of emotions. I cried, I laughed I was scared. I am not sure if I can really help my G1 get to the level of success she deserves. I learned that she really as a lot to learned. I also learned that she is aware of that need. This will really help in terms of not having to force that knowledge, I just don't know if I have the patience or the skill to get her ready to be on her own. We have discussed the idea of my teaching her how to maintain a home: cooking, laundry, house cleaning. I just get so frustrated with her desire to put things off. She is always "so tired"!

Also, just recently, I had one of the worst days of my life! It started out by discovering that my heat had been turned off. I was able to get it restored by qualifying for the cold weather protection program so that got settled. Then I spent a good half an hour talking to G3's teacher about what is going on with her and how (and this is my interpretation) I am not keeping track of her homework and how she is handling it. After work I had tons of running around with and for the kids. During my travels, I killed a bunny with my car! It was such an awful feeling. G3 was in the car with me and said a quick prayer so that if this poor bunny was badly hurt, he would die rather than suffer. Always wanting to make me feel better though, she told me this:

"I don't want to say anything bad about bunnies Mom, but if he was stupid enough to be sitting the middle of the road maybe he kind of deserved it".

My Mom. Oh my Mom. Her memory is sure not getting better. I didn't think it would. It's hard though. Each visit I realize more and more how debilitated she really is. I think I may have been in some form of denial not wanting to think it was as bad as it is. She has always been so strong and smart. Her logic, far exceeded mine as she was great at being an objective decision maker. Now, we have to make sure she is taking her pills ever day and remind to shower. She is like a whole different person. I kind of feel like I really don't have anyone to turn to, I mean really turn to anymore. I guess that's being an adult but so many people have partners in what they are doing.

At the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, except I would love to be able to afford the place we are living without "what's his name's" help.

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