Monday, August 22, 2011

A little regret, a little renewal

I got into a little bit of trouble for my last post. G2 saw a comment I made to a friend on FB regarding her Dad and was really offended. I don’t blame her. I was so wrong to put that in such a public space. That is the biggest reason I hadn’t blogged just after I vowed to be more dedicated. I was really ashamed. I never intended to hurt anyone, especially my kids, with my anger and resentment. I don’t even want to hurt “what’s his name”. It won’t help for me to put him down. Also, I tend to forget that everything that I going on is predicated on the fact that I invited him to move in. Granted it was only for the summer but I really knew better. I knew it wouldn’t be three months. I have been through this before.

Anyway, I have given a lot of thought lately about how this living situation is affecting my life. Scratch that: How I am ALLOWING this living situation to affect my life. I have let it take over the whole house. I have no control about what goes on even in my own kitchen. I don’t spend time downstairs because I don’t want to look at where he is sleeping (lower living room). Since that is the case, the kids come to me. That really isn’t right. I have let it depress me to the point that unless I have to go somewhere on the weekends I sleep much more than I really need to and I really don’t keep the place as clean as I could.

I honestly keep forgetting that it is up to me, what I do, how I feel, what goes on in my own house. Ultimately, I could ask him to move. I could tell him to move. I could also just accept things for how they are and get on with it.

I must say, I welcome comments, just be sure to comment on the blog, not on facebook. Granted, the blog is public but not nearly as public as FB is.

At this point I would love any feedback anyone has to offer. I am struggling with what is going on with me. I know my kids deserve a happy and active mom and I have admittedly lost my vim (and perhaps a little vigor as well).

1 comment:

  1. Maggie, I had a similar situation when my kids were fairly young. I had a guy who sort of "moved in" with us. He really wasn't even a boyfriend, but he made himself "part of the family". I actually went to see a shrink when I realized that this guy was taking over my life and I was allowing it. I realized eventually that I could simply tell him to leave and take my power back. The world did not come to an end. This is all about "his" convenience, (after I get a car...? Oh really? You have saved his butt for far too long already. Time to boogie, Honey. You are a young woman and you need a life. Don't let this continue.