Friday again!!!!!

Gosh, that was quick!!! The week went by like Nuthin'!

It's going to be a big weekend. We are have our Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday since my sister is in town. It will be fun to see everybody. I will be making cheesecake and beerbread and maybe a few fun dips to go with it.

There is no way to segue so I will just say it. I would love to start dating again. The guy in the building doesn't seem to be all that interested, which is a shame. He seems very nice and completely real. If I were to date again, I really do not want the drama that came with it before. It would be super nice to go to a movie, have dinner talk to another adult.

Sometimes G2 functions really well in the "someone to talk to" space but it's really not fair to put her there. She is an incredibly mature young person but I do not want her taking on all that comes with being an adult. The last thing I want is for her to look back later on and ask "why did you lean on me?" It just isn't right for a Mom to do that.

All in all, I am still really tired. I am back into a funky sleep pattern. I am going to use this weekend to get back on track.

By the way (or not), I know I haven't been exercising, I am too busy and tired. I will let you know when I get back on to that tangent. It should be fun.

I'm sooo tired.....

Last night (or actually this morning) at about 3:30 a.m., my littlest came into my room because she couldn't sleep. This of course means mommy can't sleep either. I let her sleep next to me because I thought that would be of comfort to her. Now, I am so exhausted I can barely type.

G1 was so excited for her birthday!!! I love it when she gets so animated. Tomorrow night she is going to have some friends over to celebrate. I am really happy about that because she is so rarely social. It should be really fun. Her Dad ("what's his name") offered to buy pizza and that was kind of cool.

G2 has a party to go to this weekend and her knee seems to be improving so that's another bright spot.

Also, I don't work at my third job on Saturday so maybe I can get some rest before G3 has her choir thing at church on Sunday.

I have decided that I really need to let go of my third job. I don't think it is helping as much as it is taking away from the family. If I can focus, I think I can make up for the lost income by planning things better. I sure hope so. I am getting too old to always work six days a week. Plus I don't like missing out on all the kids stuff on the weekends.

I did start another home biz. Check it out by clicking HERE.

Hopefully there will be more to write about tomorrow......

Holy Mackeral my Oldest is going to be 16!

I don't know how it happened! One day I have this infant, this quiet little bubba that barely peeped (unless she was hungry) the next, here she is - A big girl.

It's an amazing thing to watch a human being develop. Raising G1 has been a particularly wonderful experience for me. She communicates the opposite way that I do. I am very direct. G1 has a tendency to hold back much of what she is thinking until she is sure of things. She also has asberger's syndrome, as I have mentioned before. This has made our living and growing together so very rewarding. She takes a class in which she learns how to socialize more toward the norm. The beauty of it is that the teacher has never asked any of these student to change who they are. She has not so much been encouraged to "fit in" but to cope in a world that (in large part) thinks differently than she does. I personally think all middle school kids would benefit a great deal from the lessons that she has learned.

Another really wonderful thing about my eldest's personality is that she is incredibly honest. I refer to her as being "guileless" as this is the most positive way to look at it. She never fakes a good mood. She doesn't say things just to be nice. She also is very, very intelligent. She has an amazing ability toward public speaking. I used to think she was shy. She is not. She just keeps things to herself and is very particular about who she spends her time with.

I could go on and on about the virtues of my daughter as she brought me into this world of parenting I thought I would never approach. She started the best thing that I ever did- Be a MOM.

I love you baby. Happy Birthday :)

It only takes a second!

And everything changes.

It's really nothing as dramatic as it could be but my middle baby got hurt yesterday. During her first day of B-Ball tryouts she got hit in the knee and heard a pop! I am so lucky I work with the people I do. When I got her call all they said was go! We have an urgent care in town so we did not have to go to the ER. It was a long wait (about an hour so it could have been worse). The "Doctor", actually a physician's assistant, was really bitchy until I asked him ever so gently "has it been a long day? You seem irritated." Then, he was a little more personable. It's funny, I don't make near the amount those people do but, I am expected to treat others with respect. I would anyway but the point is that I think sometimes people in the medical field forget that they are dealing with actual people. My sisters would never behave that way. (I'm just sayin')

I am very proud of how pragmatic my G2 was about the whole thing. She had decided a while ago that she would rather play first string on the 9th grade team than make JV and sit on the bench. According to her line of thinking, this injury just assures her that she will get more playing time. THAT'S MY GIRL!

Anyway, again, I need to give snaps to "What's his name" as he was very helpful last night. He made dinner and held the house together while I was with G2 and when I went to my Mom's later to give her the meds she needs. What a neat way to end my day - I spent time with my Mom. Her memory is really getting bad from minute to minute. She kept saying "so when is your sister coming to town?" and "I should know this shouldn't I?" but she is in very good spirits. There is a calm about her that is so very welcome and warm. That was the biggest gift of all when she was helping with the kids. They got to spend time with her. When I would get home after school or work the house was warm and calm and we all felt loved.

So, tonite is conferences and two Girl Scout meetings.

WISH ME LUCK!

Monday, Monday

I hope everyone had a great weekend. Mine was pretty good. Friday movie night went really well with G3. G2 had a date with a new fella and it seemed to go well. According to my G2, he is not her boyfriend since she isn't sure that is what she needs in her life right now. It seems that is what he wants but she needs to wait. I am so glad to hear her say that. It means she is thinking, not just feeling.

I had a really weird chat with "What's his name" about our living situation. I let him know that I felt really disrespected as he never even bothered to ask me if he could stay past August. I reminded him that my offer was only extended through the summer. I also told him that he needed to have a plan. He seems to think that this is for my benefit. It really is not. I would really like the kids to see him helping himself. I also encouraged him to get some medical insurance through the many programs that are available in our area. He said he doesn't believe in welfare. Uumm. WHAT? For some reason he thinks that unemployment is not part of the welfare system. I did the math. He has withdrawn all funds that were paid into these programs on his behalf. But, I guess there is no logic involved when you discuss things with a republican.

I did experience my first migraine on Sunday. Ouch. My two younger daughters get them and I can say they are incredibly brave. I tried to sleep to ease the pain. Of course G1 (the quiet one) came into my room twice to ask me something and when she did that two of the cats snuck in and we had to get them out. Timing is everything!

My sister (the DOCTOR) is coming into town this week. We will be celebrating Thanksgiving a little early. It will be fun, an opportunity to get the fam together. The kids are excited to see her. She is a really fun Auntie.

I was looking at my "calendar" and I have conferences for G3 I need to get G3 and her friend to Brownies (thank goodness I have a good friend who can pick them up!) and I am co-leading this year for G1's GS troop so I will be doing that too.Gosh I hope this headache calms down by tomorrow! I don't do well with pain.

It's Friday! Nuthin' better 'n that!

Yep, I am so happy it's almost the end of the week. I think I work tomorrow nite at my third job but that can be fun. It's a social place and I get along really well with my co-worker.

Now of course, tonite I spend time with my Mother. It's nice. She is really upbeat and always likes my new clothes. (of course I don't have new clothes, she just doesn't remember). I also really love that I can finally be of help.

Tonight is also movie night at G3's school. It's a nice deal. There are parent chaperons and the kids get to hang in a non-classroom setting. G3 has a lot of friends. She really is an amazing combination of G1 and G2. She has the emotional limitations of G1 along with the artistic / creative flair. She is also very socially adept like G2.

Oh yes and G2 has a date tonight with her new fella. According to her he is nice, smart friendly and interesting. I have met him, (otherwise they wouldn't be going out) and he does seem really nice. I do trust her judgment. She has a wonderful habit of thinking about how things could and should affect her future and she wants to do the right thing.

My beautiful G1 turns 16 next week. Doesn't that mean I am officially old?

I have lots and lots of feelings going on so, I need to rant

Dear "What's his name",

I am really struggling with our living arrangement. First, after all this time being divorced, I still feel obligated to take care of you. Second, you really don't seem to think it's anything that deserves any special respect.

Our youngest daughter heard you tell your friend that you had a headache from "gaming" too much. You told me it was your sinuses. I don't think that you are even untruthful to be mean or thoughtless but it is. It shows us all that you either believe what you say or you think we are naive.

Also, for the (I don't know how many) time, you shorted your weekly payment to the family without forewarning. I have told you that I just need to know things like that as soon as you know. Now, I am going to have to scrape by on barely anything until I get paid. I could have planned for it but you told me the day after it took place. It is not a casual thing. There are things the kids need that I cannot provide due to this.

When G3 broke her glasses, you were sleeping on the couch. She feels very alone when you are there and I am not. I wish you understood what an opportunity this could be for the two of you. The older two had lived with you before, she has not. It could be a time for you two to bond. It doesn't seem to be working out like that at all.

I realize you don't love me. I also realize that you don't know how to love yourself. With the kids though, there is very little to it. Just be there. Open your eyes to what they go through, what they see. I guarantee you will gain much more than you give.

I have said this before: get a PLAN. I don't care if you work full-time (although that would be ideal). If you were to go back to school, take a training program, anything to show that you want things to get better I would be behind it 100%. I know it's not easy as I have been there myself when the kids were little. Where you are right now is the best time / place to think about self improvement. It would help everyone more than you could ever imagine.

I also believe that you have depression. I think that is what is behind the gaming / computer obsession. I am not an expert, just someone who has gone through it her whole life. Things don't have to be sad, low, down, tiring. It can get better. I want you to feel better and the kids and I cannot help until you want to feel better. It's a whole lot of work but it's worth it.

Your children love you, no matter what. Isn't that enough?
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And for the rest who are reading this, sorry it's not as fun as I usually try to be but, here is a really cool website for the Mom's out there:

http://www.peacelovemom.com/