Sometimes it's hard to be a Mother

But it's also really hard to be my daughter. My G3, I have just discovered is not doing well in school. For the first time since G1 was in grade school, I left a parent teacher conference crying. It was different with G1 as she (we later determined) has a good reason for struggling. With G3 it's a whole different scene. She's just is not trying and that hurts more than a clearly identifiable issue. The truth is, I really wasn't paying enough attention to what she has (or has not) been turning in or wearing to school.

The silly part of this whole thing is that because "What's his name" lives with us, I got this idea that I wasn't parenting alone. I thought that since he put her on the bus in the morning, he would make sure she was properly attired and had eaten her breakfast. Boy, was I wrong!!! I thought that when her homework was done he may have taken a look at what she had done. Wrong again and this is my fault for assuming that an adult would be responsible.

I have made some mistakes in regard to what I can leave up to "What's his name" but never again. From now on, my eyes will be on my baby. I have vowed with her, to spend time in the evening with homework, picking out clothes and settling in to a good sleep schedule. I promised her that we will work through these things together.

Last night, we read together, picked out her clothes and made sure her homework was done correctly. She even shared a "Where's Waldo" with me. It was a great start. Honestly, I had let that closeness go since "What's his name" moved in. I have really been a hermit lately and this is just the kick I need to get back on the parenting course and remember that others need me to be strong - even with my flaws.

Friday again!!!!!

Gosh, that was quick!!! The week went by like Nuthin'!

It's going to be a big weekend. We are have our Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday since my sister is in town. It will be fun to see everybody. I will be making cheesecake and beerbread and maybe a few fun dips to go with it.

There is no way to segue so I will just say it. I would love to start dating again. The guy in the building doesn't seem to be all that interested, which is a shame. He seems very nice and completely real. If I were to date again, I really do not want the drama that came with it before. It would be super nice to go to a movie, have dinner talk to another adult.

Sometimes G2 functions really well in the "someone to talk to" space but it's really not fair to put her there. She is an incredibly mature young person but I do not want her taking on all that comes with being an adult. The last thing I want is for her to look back later on and ask "why did you lean on me?" It just isn't right for a Mom to do that.

All in all, I am still really tired. I am back into a funky sleep pattern. I am going to use this weekend to get back on track.

By the way (or not), I know I haven't been exercising, I am too busy and tired. I will let you know when I get back on to that tangent. It should be fun.

I came to a great conclusion

I think I finally figured out why my work has been so mediocre. I have always considered myself to be fairly intelligent. There is really no other explanation for my kids being as sharp as they are.

The thing is, I make a lot of silly little mistakes in my work. Looking back, I don't think I ever thought I could get better. I remember when I was young I don't think there was a whole lot expected of me. Before I continue I do need to say that I have always felt loved and valued. I had wonderful parents. My Mom has stood by me through many, many things that others would not have. My Mom and Dad loved each other very much. I also need to say that I am not blaming anyone for anything. The point is that reaching for the stars was not what I was geared for. I guess I got into a really bad habit of expecting to screw up. Not anymore.

Recently, I have taken on an "Expect the Best" mantra. My work is error free. I am confident that when I enter journal entries or A/P item it is right. To be real honest with myself, for a long time when my errors were pointed out and my boss would get frustrated, I would think to myself "but do you see the errors others make?" This is a terrible way to look at things. It doesn't matter what others do. They don't have the same responsibilities I do and quite frankly it is none of my business. I can only deal with my stuff. And now I am. It will be a fabulous feeling during the upcoming month end to not have to answer the endless questions about why I did the wrong thing.

But, getting back to the blog title, here is my schedule today:

Work til 5:30
Go to Mom's to give her medicine
I have a volunteer meeting
I need to deliver some TS that was ordered (week's ago)
I need to pick up and cash my check from my second job
I need to pick up some groceries
if there is some extra time, I want to take a walk with one or all of my daughters. We'll see

OK, where's the cat??????????